Today, October 16, 2012

Today’s project:  Take pride in ‘starting’

I’ve had several different projects that I’ve wanted to work on for several days.  But every time I try to decide which of these worthy tasks to do, I’m thwarted by a pesky distraction.  The inner dialogue.

You know, that whole conversation inside your head between two equally adamant parts of your personality in which they debate the pros and cons of any situation with all the passion of the final cross-examination by Perry Mason in which the killer always shouts, “That’s right! I DID IT!’

Here’s what mine looks like:

Me:  What should I do today?

Myself: Well, why don’t you A?

Me:  Um…I suppose I could do that…

Myself: Or you could B.  That would be fun.

Me:  Well….yeah, I guess so…

Myself:  Ok, do C, then.  You’ve been meaning to do that for a while now.

Me:  I think I’ll take a nap.

Myself: …sigh…

Of course, the result of this conversation, which plays several times a day inside my mess of a brain, is that nothing gets done.

Or at least nothing of significance.  Lots of stupid things get ‘done.’  Like watching 5 episodes of Perry Mason; or looking through all of my knitting books, pretending to decide on my next project, but really just oohing over pretty things.

Finally, there was a break in the clouds.

I can’t say that I was blessed with any burst of energy or inspiration that spurred me to action.  I was expecting a friend to come over this evening and wanted to show her what I was working on for my next Steampunk adventure.  However, that little item was one of many on the ‘well, I could do---‘ projects list that I have previously been very successful in ignoring and dismissing rather than completing.

But then I decided, “I should just start that.”  I know my friend wouldn’t care if what I showed her was ‘in process.’  And that at least I will have begun something I’ve wanted to work on for quite a while.  Knowing myself pretty well, I knew if I started a project it might motivate me to get going on some other things, or at least finish that project.

And I was right! (Funny how that worked – who knew?) =)

I started that bit and then started several other things: laundry, dishes, knitting myself some fingerless gloves, tidying my pile of craft stuff, etc.  YAY for ‘someone-coming-over-motivation’ to get me to clean the house.

I quickly realized, however, that I had neither time nor energy to actually complete any of these tasks.

And now, pack your bags silly psyche, because you are headed on a guilt trip!  You will recognize the scenery for you’ve been down this road many, many times.

How can it be valuable to begin a bunch of projects and not complete any of them?  Aren’t we told (by the infamous ‘they’) over and over again that not completing is BAD?  It shows a want of concentration, of stick-to-it-ness, of determination; it’s a sign of laziness, of non-ambition, of lack of care.  On and on ‘they’ can go about how non-completion practically makes you a non-person.

With all the emphasis on finishing, I have to think that starting must feel like the proverbial ‘red-headed step-child.’ Forgotten, brushed aside, disrespected.

I scoff at you ‘they!’  I will no longer allow you to treat ‘starting’ as a second-hand citizen.

I will start projects and not make any apologies if I don’t complete them.  I won’t lord the finished tasks over the unfinished ones with a nah-nah-nah-nah-boo-boo, no matter how satisfying that may feel.  I will not put myself in emotional time-out for forgetting the load of laundry in the washer and having to re-wash it…twice.

And I will give myself a pat on the back for starting.  Because to quote a certain sage of wisdom: “Watch out for that first step. It’s a loo-loo!”