Today, September 23, 2012

Today’s project:  Get out of the flippin’ house!

I know that many of my fellow stay-at-home-ers can relate to this scenario.  You’ve had a whole lot of tasks requiring your undivided attention inside and around your house.  Things that have been screaming for your diligence like baby eaglets in a cliff-side nest. SQUAWK!

Laundry – SQUAWK!

Dishes – SQUAWK!

Vacuum – SQUAWK!

And then there are those elements in your house that do actually squawk at you – the children.  Hungry (translation: squawk!); clothes (translation: squawk!); video games! (translation: SQUAWKSQUAWKSQUAWK!!!!)

Subsequently, a mom finds that several days have passed before she’s actually seen the light of day and felt the cool breezes on her face.  Looking much like a Tibetan monk stepping into the sunlight after 180 days of solitude in a forbidden cave somewhere in the Himalayas, such a mom finds it difficult to speak in sentences that an adult can follow. Or interact with people that are more than 3ft tall. 

When a S.A.H. (stay-at-home) gets to this point, there is only one thing to be done.  An immediate remedy that is required to bring one back to some semblance of sanity: get out of the freakin’ house!

Even though I was, technically, outside of our residence for several hours (we went to church, I drove one girl to a birthday party and another to a play date), I really needed some ‘mommy in the real world’ time.  Time where I could pretend, at least for a couple of hours, that I am still a vibrant, intelligent member of the society at large.  Cuz trust me, too much time spent inside (or around) your domicile focusing on that, and only that, tiny part of the universe leads to a doubt that there even IS a world outside the door.  I start to think thoughts like, ‘Maybe I’m just a figment of someone’s imagination.’  Which of course, logically leads to the next thought, ‘If that’s true, that person is one sick, twisted freak. Jerk.’

I originally had plans to have a late lunch with a friend I haven’t seen in a couple of weeks.  This is an extra special bonus on ‘mommy escapes the house’ day.  I get to sit in a place where only adults hang out, have a conversation that will travel to the four corners of the known universe and back again, eat some super bad-for-me foods (I hear you Healthy Habits Friend, but I’ll eat carrots and drink pomegranate juice for the rest of the day) and generally bring my brain and psyche from their current state of organic mush to a place where neurons are actually firing and new thoughts and ideas are created and nourished. Ahhhh...what bliss!

Unfortunately, I was presented with a giant reason to pout as my friend was unavailable to meet today.  My poor husband had to pat me on the back as I sat and sulked for a full 10 minutes in mourning over my parole being revoked.  God love him, he suggested that I run the girls to their party/play date and then just ‘don’t come home for a while.’  Which, absolutely, was a stupendous idea.  Except for this: where the heck was I going to go? We don’t have extra cash to go shopping. I didn’t have a friend that I felt I could drop a visit on with such short notice. I didn’t want to go grocery shopping or something equally useful. Ewww. That would totally defeat the purpose.

Add to that the complication that I’m a bit of a paranoid freak when it comes to going certain places by myself. I won’t go to the movies, a restaurant or a bar by myself.  I just think it’s silly to purposefully put me in a position that might be potentially dangerous.  Too many emails from my dad warning me about stalkers and attackers and their sneaky ways, probably, but there it is.

Hand over all your office supplies, lady!

However, I tell myself, ‘It’s 2:00 in the afternoon.  I mean, is someone really going to attack you in the dining room of Steak-n-Shake in broad daylight?’  ‘Ok, fine,’ I reply, and take myself to lunch.  And yes, I fully understand that I had a complete conversation with me and only me.  NOW you see why I needed the freakin’ escape time!

I brought a magazine and my Emily Post biography and ordered some terrible burger-food and enjoyed my  me-time thoroughly.  Of course, I HAD to go peruse the clearance section of the office supply store that was right next door (it was squawking) and found a couple of gems. Only one of which I actually purchased – which is sure to make my hubby proud…and roll his eyes at the same time. =)

Even though I didn’t really have the adult interaction I was originally craving, I did find myself with a bit of a recharge coming home and was certainly thankful that I had the opportunity to escape my asylum...I mean, house…at least for the time being.

Come back during visiting hours to see what craziness occurs tomorrow!