Today, September 18, 2012

Today we explore the battlefield of my life.  It’s all out war people. 

The combatants: Martha vs. Non-Martha.

Ok, I’m assuming you all know who I’m talking about – Martha Stewart, that insanely perfect mega-super Mom who makes EVERYTHING from scratch. (This Martha is not to be confused with the biblical Martha, which is a whole other story…) Martha, dear Martha, the Donna Reed of our generation.  The woman who makes even the most accomplished uber-moms feel inadequate because we had never thought to pack our sheet sets into the pillow case, making our linen closets the ultimate in organization.  The woman who makes 5-star French chefs pout that they didn’t know that ultra-handy kitchen widget even existed let alone that it is used to make the most perfect, flaky pie crust ever in the history of the world. 

And then she adds the little tag of, “My mother showed me how to do it this way.”  So that we spend hours analyzing what little things we are teaching our daughters, to see if we are passing on the most valuable nuggets we can.  “Should I show her how I fold the towels?” (one that my mom actually showed me – how to fold them so they look like hotel towels on the rod)  “Or would it be better to focus on cooking?” (I mean, she already knows how to read, but do I point to the directions on the box so she can say, “my mom helped me learn how to make Hamburger Helper!”)

 Am I the only one who finds this thing kinda creepy?

The location: my psyche.

That cluttered, dusty land mine field of self-doubt and justification.

The objective: to turn me into EITHER a woman who makes her own marshmallows for Rice Krispie Treats (and I did actually see an episode where she did that – it seriously made me go WHA?!?) OR the woman who tosses a handful of cereal into a plastic baggie and calls it good for their kid’s lunch.

As you can guess, I’m somewhere in the middle right now.  Being pulled back and forth between the two like a stuffed animal being fought over by two rambunctious toddlers. NO! MINE!

I’ve compiled a list (shocking I know) of Martha vs Non-Martha traits so you can see where you fall on this scale.  Are you approaching the penultimate of fabulous or the pits of fairish. And, yes ‘fairish’ is a word. I found it on www.thesarus.com.

Martha: Watched ‘Julie and Julia’ and thought, “Hey!  I could do that blog thing!”

Non-Martha: Watched ‘Julie and Julia’ and thought, “How can I convince my husband to go out in the snowstorm to fetch me cheesecake, cuz all this food talk is making me freakin’ hungry.”

M:  Saved scraps from the scrapbook paper used in Bella’s Birthday Bash place cards and menus to use (somehow) in Thank You notes.

Non-M: Would be the absolute dork who put the lovely vintage tray in the dishwasher. And then cursed like a sailor for an hour as she cleaned out the weird paper stuff that now fills the bottom of the stupid machine. (shout out to my Daddy, who was a sailor and gives me the inherent ability to curse colorfully)

M:  Stared at that stupid wrecked tray for a full ten minutes trying to come up with a way to salvage it.

Non-M: Tossed that blessed tray in the durn trash rather than trying to come up with some dumb way to salvage it. With a couple extra curses for good measure.

M:  Has an auto-appointment at the hair salon so nary a grey hair can peak through your roots to show your advancing maturity. Ahem.

Non-M: Sports a hat and attempts to convince anyone who will listen that it is a fashion choice (I’m bringing hats back) rather than a sneaky way to cover 3 inch roots. Ahem.

Finally, Marthas don’t get creative overload and lethargic mush brain after sewing all day.  Because Marthas are able to complete every dang obligation with poise, intelligence and a freakin’ SMILE.

Today, although I really wanted to be a Martha because I was working 95% of the day on my steampunk commission and started this post early in the day; because I woke up with enthusiasm. And a migraine.  Which means I take some meds that contain massive doses of caffeine; which causes ‘mommy to go whoo hoo!’, as Bella said this morning.  Now, I’m feeling like a loser, non-Martha.  My brain is fried, my back and neck are sore, my dining room is a disaster and I’m still not done with the piece.

Look OUT! Project explosion!

The good news for you, dear reader, is that some golden nuggets did come out of today’s work.

Wow! Two lists in one post! You lucky reader you!

1.  I decided to use fusible interfacing for my main fabric and was sooooooo glad I did – it stabilized the fabric enough to make it so much easier to work with.  If you are a sewer and haven’t yet discovered the wonderful value of fusible (iron-on) interfacing, I encourage you to spend some time exploring this fabulous product. 

2.  I’m always annoyed when I buy a pattern and cut out the pieces I need that it NEVER fits back into the envelope the same way.  And you think it would. Really. At least it SHOULD.  You cut out a good portion of the bulk by cutting out the extra paper and that, in and of itself, should mean that it can fit back in that tiny stupid envelope. But it never does.  At least not without making a big globby mess. 

Fine. FINE, I say!

I had a bunch of large manila envelopes lying around (I know I have issues regarding office supplies, don’t send me therapist’s numbers please). Makes Rora happy as it contains lots of room for all of the pieces of the pattern.  But what to do with that pesky envelope?  You really need to keep it because it has lots of important information on it: notions required, recommended fabrics, sizing, etc.  Since I also have several page protectors lying around (see afore-mentioned comment regarding therapists) I took the envelope apart, taped it back together to make a one-sided thing put it in the page protector and taped that to the front of the envelope. I was pretty durn proud of this solution.  And my hubby is happy that I’m using up all of those freaky office supplies that seem to fill random parts of our house. See?:

Well, regardless of how mushy my brain faculties are right now, I do want to show my project in process, since tomorrow’s post will likely be more of the same, and that way you can see just how far I’ve come! YAY!

Apologies for the fuzzy pic

Although I’ve bashed the indefatigable Martha Stewart in this post, it really comes out of jealous admiration.  Her and Donna Reed. And Lucille Ball. They really are intense, beautiful goddesses of inspiration. So every day I strive to better myself in all kinds of ways, big and small.  Today, it’s about making a big mess in the dining room as I try and create something that will make someone else smile.  And that makes it all worth it, somehow.